E-Newsletter
I Don’t Know What I Need
Sound familiar? When you are grieving it can be a challenge to articulate what you want or need. Your brain is in a fog as you try to come to terms with the death of your person. During times of grief, it's natural to feel overwhelmed and unsure of how to ask for help. Sometimes you just don’t know what you need. We understand the challenges that come with navigating loss, which is why we're here to remind you that it's okay to lean on others for support, even when finding the words feels impossible.
“The point is that asking for help as you grieve is kind of like the grieving process itself: it’s not linear. It will ebb and flow as life changes. One day you might need someone to sit with you or talk with you while you share a meal. Another day you might need a ride to the Social Security Office. Another you might just want someone to pick up milk at the store. Whatever it is that will help, it’s ok to ask.” But in order to ask, you have to know. That requires that you put words to your feelings and needs. Doing so can lift the guilt others feel of wanting to “do something,” but not knowing what, exactly, will help. How to Ask for Help When Grieving (batemanallenfuneralhome.com)
Other needs may entail getting involved in a grief support group, seeing a therapist or grief counselor. This could also involve talking to an attorney to understand the trust or will. Do you need to talk to a financial professional? Overwhelming isn’t it? This is where family, friends, co-workers, fellow parishioners, and neighbors can help you sort through the chaos and unknown with referrals and resources.
“Each day we encourage you to increase your awareness around your greatest pain points". These don't have to be grief specific. Anything in your life that is a stressor may be part of your grief or making it more difficult to cope with your grief, so it is important to consider any needs that can ease your overall suffering in a given day. To do this, you will need to become aware of the moments in your day that cause the most pain, bring up complex emotions, are the most physically taxing, the most mentally taxing, and create the most stress. Write them down during the day, either on your phone or on a sheet of paper. If it is helpful, you may want to look at your needs in three categories:
Practical/logistical needs: Whether it is childcare, grocery shopping, filing taxes, mowing the lawn, etc, there are often countless concrete needs we have. Knowing what these are can make it easier to ask people in your support system for the help or take them up an offer.
Grief needs: Though all needs may be connected to grief, some are certainly more explicitly so. You may realize your need is for people whom you can share memories with, or someone to be comfortable with your tears. You may need someone who wants to help you memorialize your loved one or join you in advocacy work. Whatever the case, you may realize you are feeling very alone in honoring and remembering and it is time to reach out to others.
Well-being needs: These needs fall somewhere outside of just the grief experience, and are things that simply help with our overall well-being. This can be anything from needing that push to get off the gym to needing someone to be social with (or at the very least, grab a coffee). It can be anything from painting to writing to photography that you know would boost your mood and well-being, but that you keep avoiding.” Thanks For The Offer, But I Don't Know What I Need! - Whats your Grief
“Asking for help isn't a sign of weakness; it's an act of courage. Remember, those who care about you want to lend a helping hand, whether it's through a listening ear, a comforting gesture, or practical support with daily tasks. “Sometimes asking for help is the bravest move you can make. You don’t have to go it alone.” Elizabeth Diane
Lory’s Place can help. We are here to listen and walk along with you in every step of your grief. If you’d like to speak with someone from Lory’s Place and consider joining one of our peer support groups, please give us a call at 269-983-2707. We are always here to listen and connect you with other people who are grieving. If you like what you’ve read and would like to see more, you can find us on Facebook and Instagram, as well as at www.lorysplace.org
Resources:
Megan Devine | How do you ask for help from people who say, "Call me… (refugeingrief.com)
https://whatsyourgrief.com/thanks-for-the-offer-but-i-dont-know-what-i-need/